#mawce goes are you spreadsheeting us and it just reminded me like
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yknow in twilight when bella gets so depressed that a few months of the book are just the month names and nothing else? thats me
#sallow speaks#i am quite close to getting t prescribed or at least finding out to what extent i am intersex#and i cannot for the life of me feel anything about it#i havent felt a real emotion other than numb and sadness for at least a few weeks#if my friends cared at all i think theyd notice but luckily theyve been on their own shit for the last few weeks so i dont think they have#i keep feeling like im annoying the hell out of them#zero specifically but i always feel like im annoying the hell out of them#but i feel it with everyone now#it was bad with the con spreadsheet bc that i made for everyone else bc they asked me to and then the first thing is#mawce goes are you spreadsheeting us and it just reminded me like#your hobbies and interests are boring and your interests in them are annoying and idk it kinda sucked#they ended up using it but it didnt help and now every time i want to talk about something i like i feel like im annoying whoever can see it#we have an interests but i spam chat and im too scared to even use it because i dont want people to get upset with me#i feel like if i step out of line even slightly if i start talking about stuff i like if i show too much enthusiasm#if i ask them to hang out or join vc one too many times theyll get tired fo me and kick me out#so i just dont. i dont ask people to join vc and i dont talk about stuff i like without someone else bringing it up#im so tired. i just want to be a good enough person that people want me to exist like a real person#vent
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